Carlucci did whatever was needed to lend a hand
around Westhill
By Dave Ruden, Staff Writer
Whenever she discussed her days as a basketball player at Stamford Catholic
High School, Ro Carlucci always boasted how she never
made a layup.
"I just got a lot of assists," Carlucci
said proudly.
That inference had greater resonance last week with the tragic news that Carlucci, 57, was killed in a car crash on the
Carlucci might have piled up assists at Stamford
Catholic and then the
Carlucci affected young females in ways that exceeded
helping them reach their potential as gymnasts, tennis and field hockey
players.
"I really admired her as a person," said Courtney Bigda,
a 1999 Westhill graduate. "She went beyond being
a dedicated coach. She cared about her athletes in a maternal way."
Bigda was one of Carlucci's
best gymnasts, a four-time All-American who was a co-winner of the Allyson Rioux award, given annually to the best high school senior
female athlete in
"At the beginning our relationship was two headstrong people in the
gymnastics arena," recalled Bigda, who attended
Bidga continued to stay in touch with Carlucci and had dinner with her last month.
"The news of her death struck me as if someone in my family had passed
away," Bigda said. "It is hard to
articulate everything she meant to me. I am going to miss her
tremendously."
Bigda is an example of the type of assists Carlucci made in helping shape young girls into fine women.
Some of Carlucci's assists were subtler. At many Westhill sporting events, she was usually helping kids run
the food sales, a thankless job most people go out of their way to avoid. But
the kids on the school's teams needed to raise money, and if that meant Carlucci had to spend a few hours hawking baked goods, she
did so eagerly, and always with a smile.
"The thing that sticks out in my mind with Ro is the amount of time she
spent at Westhill, and not just coaching but working
the concession stands and the proms," said Mike King, the school's
athletic director. "She was involved in so many activities."
At the Fairfield County Interscholastic Athletic Conference's annual spring
outing, the first person you encountered at the front door was Carlucci, selling raffle tickets.
And whenever Westhill hosted a gymnastics meet,
tennis match or, before she retired from the sport, a field hockey game, Carlucci was the gracious host of the party.
"She obviously touched the lives of a lot of female athletes, and not just
at Westhill," King said.
When Anne Tomaselli became the gymnastics coach at
New Canaan 10 years ago, Carlucci recalled how she
once competed at
"When I became a head coach I was amazed at how she remembered me," Tomaselli said. "She had saved everything."
That story is revelatory for two reasons. While Carlucci
always pushed her teams and athletes to excel, she also appreciated the fine
performances by her opponents. To Carlucci, the
biggest victory was seeing a sport performed at its best.
It also is indicative how there has never been a more considerate person than Carlucci. She truly cared about others, whether they wore
purple and gold or not.
"Ro just opened up her gymnasium to us and our girls always felt like they
had someplace to call home," Tomaselli said.
"She had such a love for our sport. It is hard for any of us to fathom how
incredible a loss this is for
The obituaries last week displayed the breadth of Carlucci's
resume, about her distinguished teaching career, her success as an athlete, the
400 wins and three Fairfield County Interscholastic Athletic Conference titles
she compiled as the Vikings' gymnastics coach, how she was one of the sport's
top judges, and how she is a member of the FCIAC's
Hall of Fame.
But those are just numbers and lists. The true measurement of her reach often
took place away from a gymnasium.
I always thought one of Carlucci's finest moments
came at one of her low points, two years ago, when she battled and defeated
breast cancer.
Never was such an insidious disease conquered with such grace and dignity. Carlucci didn't hide from her troubles - she missed just
two weeks of that gymnastics season - but instead used them as a way to
reaffirm her status as a role model.
A group of girls learned how to stay upbeat and positive during the worst
adversity. When the chemotherapy cost Carlucci her
curly hair, she bought a wig with the straight hair she always desired. And
when one of her athletes was feeling down, Carlucci
took joy in flipping that wig for laughs.
"You have a choice. You see the cup half full or half empty," Carlucci said at the time. "All my life I've seen it
half full."
Words that would be cliche
coming from someone else were truly Carlucci's
mantra.
The members of the current Westhill girls tennis team now find themselves in need of a coach and
friend. The school was on spring break last week, and as word of Carlucci's death spread, the Viking players were still
grappling with its significance.
"It's a shock. None of us can believe it's
true," said Julie Becker, Westhill's No. 1
singles player. "Miss Carlucci was a great
coach. She was really enthusiastic and energetic. She was one of the coaches
everyone liked. She brought a good positive spirit. This is really sad."
Being a columnist often means stepping out onto a large ledge, and we often
grow calloused from hearing the drumbeats of criticism while any praise is
often muted. That makes demonstrative displays of appreciation more memorable.
So it is that I remember the first time I saw Ro after a feature I wrote on her
16 months ago appeared in print. I was at a Westhill
basketball game, and while talking to a coach someone came up from behind and
kissed me on the cheek.
I turned around and it was Ro. All she said was "Thanks."
In trying to make sense of this senseless tragedy, I am trying to do as Ro
would, searching for a glass half-full. It isn't easy,
but there is some solace in knowing Ro is not finished compiling assists.
Through the hundreds of people she touched, her words and spirit will be passed
along, and live on.
When I once asked her how she could remain so upbeat in her fight with cancer,
Ro told me, "I always found it better to leave a place better than you
found it."
- Dave Ruden can be reached at dave.ruden@scni.com
Copyright (c) 2007, Southern Connecticut Newspapers, Inc. Published with
permission.